My Favorite Things about Facebook o.O

How they change something about the design or layout every month. It really helps me ensure that my relationship with technology is in tip-top shape.

How it sorts my News Feed by "top stories." I'm not really sure what system you're using, Facebook, but thanks. I didn't know all these miscellaneous people were so important to me. I'm glad you know they've got the real stuff going on.

How it suggests people that I should poke. And how those poke suggestions are definitely never awkward. And how they place the exit x and the "poke" options so close together. It helps with my mouse-control skills and general dexterity.

How I have to go through my profile pictures individually to set them to private. No, it's cool. I totally wanted to world to be able to stalk me. Speaking of...

How it totally condones stalking. It's helping me with my verbal filter and my lying skills, so that I don't get caught in that awkward moment of "how did you know that about me?" "I overheard you talking to ____ about it" (aka "because I stalked you on Facebook, homez... duh.")

How it marks messages as "seen." So that if I'm ignoring someone on chat or messaging, I have to do it like a real ninja. (Don't you dare judge me, you know you do it too!)

How it allows me to edit my comment. And then displays to everyone the fact that I edited my comment. And gives them the option of viewing it. So that everyone can laugh at my typo. Just building character and whatnot.

How it takes a miracle to find anything using the Search bar. It helps teach me to be less reliant upon the Facebook interwebs.

How it sends me fake notifications. And then deletes them or changes the number and tells me I made it up so that I then go back and count to make sure I'm not crazy. It exercises my numerical skills.

How it links to people's Twitters and Instagrams. So that I can see all those statuses and photos twice. It helps me stay 200% more up-to-date on what's running through her mind these present five seconds and exactly what type of coffee he's drinking and what their lunches look like.

How people get into fights via the comments section. 'Nuff said.